Working on the New Me…

I know things on the Giggles have been pretty deep of late, but being a human being is a deep process. Least it should be if you are a maturing and evolving human type person. I think I have discovered why I have been going off track. I’ve been trying to paint myself into one corner so to speak. See what the problem is? Writers by definition suffer from multiple personality disorder. We’ve got all these voices in our head constantly fighting for dominance, demanding to be heard over the voices of their fellow delusional brothers and sisters. Delusional? Yes because they and the author can’t come to the realization these voices don’t really exist. They are figments of a highly over-active imagination and nothing else.

Just in case those voices happen to read this. The men in white coats made me say that. You totally exist, now give me back that memory from the summer of 1987. Pretty please? You know it’s the basis for my happy place.

Okay, back to the point of this blog. Is there a point to it? I’m really not sure but I’m going with yes.

In all my effort to self discover who I am, I stopped listening to the voices in my head to focus on hearing the normal me Me. By the time I remembered they were there, my ability to hear them had become dulled, if not erased totally. Yeah, it hurts me to admit that I have forgotten not only the faces but the voices of my children. As hard as that is to accept, I have to move on. Not sure what that means because the voices I came to love creating and watching grow until they were real to me on so many levels just don’t feel real to me anymore. I don’t see myself leaving them behind forever, but as I’ve said here many times before, writer’s block is the mind’s way of saying you’re walking down the wrong road.

And that’s where I’m at now. On the wrong road. Somehow I’ve gone down a path that isn’t truly me or the books I write. Or, maybe the books I’ve written aren’t me any more. I’ve grown just like my characters have. I’ll freely cop to going through a slight midlife crisis. Becoming a grandpaw has had scary implications. It has made me wonder if I’m O-L-D. Yeah, I spelled, but that doesn’t make it any less frightening. Heck, I’m only forty-six. That’s too young to be wrapped around a little guy’s finger. He calls me BoPaw by the way. Yeah, I got it bad. That bad has had me redefining my place in the cosmos. Maybe it would be more correct to say redefining my perception of my place in the cosmos. Since that could be a pretty much ongoing process, I’ll keep you updated on how that goes.

Right now, I’m going to address the author part of my cosmos. After spending the last two months slamming my head against the barriers between my worlds, I finally fell into a fetal position and just laid there. Funny thing, between the sound of my whimpering and the TV blaring in the background, I heard a voice. Well to be perfectly honest a Facebook status started the process rolling. Sabrina, thanks for the update by the way. Without you, I would never have popped in my Robert Johnson CDs and went down to the crossroads with a hellhound on my trail.

Because while my head was standing at that crossroads listening to Robert, a new voice started speaking to me. It gave me the beginning of a story that has been unrolling in my head for the last two days.  Will it go anywhere? That remains to be seen. I hope it does, because I really love this new character. I won’t go into detail right now. I’m superstitious enough to be afraid I’ll jinx it if I do. Give me a little while to really get a feel for the darkness and light at play in Dora’s world. I will say this. It isn’t a Romance. Urban Fantasy might be closer to the truth, but I hate that label. It narrows your playing field as an author. I write what I write. I leave it to others to put it in their niches. I myself don’t define books. I just accept them as being my kind of book. Whether that is a good book is my choice and not yours, but hope others agree with me from time to time. That way my favorite authors keep putting out books. Selfish of me, but I do love reading. Not an excuse just justifying my actions.

Once upon a time I loved writing. Way before I worried about pantsting or plotting. Or, agonized over missed deadlines and endless edits. Or, got bogged down in the business side of writing, and judged my success by books sold instead of the quality of my writing. So, I guess what I’m saying is I am about to enjoy what I do not for the promise of material gain, but for the spiritual joy it brings me to share that joy with others through the words, or worlds depending on how you see things, inside my head.

If you’ve enjoyed the worlds that came forth from my warped sense of reality, thank you for reading my books. If you’ve only read my blog or this is the first time you’ve stopped by, I invite you to try one of my stories. Desert Breeze Publishing has a free read of mine available, so I’m not asking you to blindly go buy my books. Read my Love Bites ½ and judge for yourself if you want to continue the journey through my books. For now, I’m going to see what new worlds I can stumble into and hopefully one day share with you.

Til then, have a great week and happy reading! Oh and here’s the link to my free read. Enjoy!

Changing the World One Book at a Time.

I posted something here a few weeks ago and then sort of disappeared again. I am going with this to explain my absence. If you have nothing to say, don’t blather about being pointless. It also closely follows my grandmother’s sage advice that if you have nothing good to say, keep your mouth shut. The last couple of weeks have been a bit of both. In the spirit of not polluting the airways with rubbish, It have kept my ramblings to myself and saved your ears, or eyes in this case, from being forced to deal with it. You can thank me later.

So why am I here, if my mood has been telling me to keep my tapping fingers out of everyone else’s pie?

Well, yesterday I saw my life come full circle in a way. My earliest and happiest memories revolve around reading. No surprise considering my chosen profession. Yet it is those formative memories of my grandmother reading to me that started me forward in this lifelong addiction to the written word. Another strong memory is of me and my dad reading together. Him in his chair and me laying on the floor while records, yes records, played on the stereo.

As I sat watching my grandson play, I got to experience my youth once again only in a reversal of roles. The little stinker after throwing more than anyone’s fair share of toys around, decided my lap would be the perfect place to rest up before starting up for round two. I had no problem with that, as you can well imagine. He paused along the way to snag the book his YaYa and I bought him. Climbing into my lap, he flipped the book open and began pointing. Cows go Mooooo. Elephants go Mooooo. One is pronounced Two. All dogs are called Molly. We went through the book from start to finish, and back a page or two to clarify things. He felt it important to let his PawPaw know dogs are not dogs but Mollys when I mistakenly called a picture of a puppy a doggy. Well, in his defense, PawPaws don’t know everything.

Sitting there glowing with the wonderment of holding the future of the world in my lap, I couldn’t help but wonder if this warmth wasn’t how my Nana felt reading to us as kids and later to her great-grandchildren. I know in this digitally dominated world reading seems old fashioned. Why read when all knowledge can be accessed via the History Channel or you can learn to do anything from watching a YouTube video? I mean when you get right down to it, reading is just so old-fashioned.

To that I say yes it is, and thank God for the small islands of old-fashioned left in this cybernetically enhanced world. I know this might sound hypocritical coming from an author who deals mainly in the digital press, but the world needs more old-fashioned ways of doing things. Besides, you can still read a digital book to a child. It’s not like I’m slapping a child in front of a screen and leaving them to work it out on their own. The best part of the process is doing it together.

Reading is a bonding tool as much as touching, the sound of a loving voice, or any number of things that creates a lifelong connection between a child and those who love them. I can still hear the faint echo of my Nana’s voice as she read to me. The warmth of her arms surrounding me, letting me know I was safe and nothing could ever harm me. Yesterday, I felt her arms around me for real. Holding my grandson, I knew she was there with us both. The love she gave me all those years ago, I now had the opportunity to pass along to another generation.

I’m not sure if everyone feels like this, but to me the act of reading is an expression of love. Because, when we read to a child, we share with that child the love we feel. We share the wonder of expanding our imaginations. We share the ultimate gift of knowledge that can be found inside books, and help them to find new worlds to both create and discover. Now, I’m embarking on the next stage of that journey. I thought being an author would be the fulfillment of the dreams of that younger me sitting in my Nana’s lap, but no. As I held my grandson, I saw his smile as he turned the pages of his new book. I saw my dreams had taken on a new role. Instead of seeing them through my eyes, I’m going to start seeing them through his. So, instead of acting my own age, I now have an excuse to act his.

The main thing I want to share with you is that reading is an expression of love. It truly is the love that keeps on giving. So next time you’re wondering how to spend some time with your kids, grandkids or nieces and nephews, spend it in a book. Who knows, you might not just be the hero you’re reading about, you might become a real hero in the eyes of a child who will one day become a hero too. See how it works? With one simple deed, you set in motion one of the greatest acts of love known to man, giving a child the imagination to change the way they see the world and just maybe change it along the way. That’s the way love works.

So until next week, happy reading!