I know things on the Giggles have been pretty deep of late, but being a human being is a deep process. Least it should be if you are a maturing and evolving human type person. I think I have discovered why I have been going off track. I’ve been trying to paint myself into one corner so to speak. See what the problem is? Writers by definition suffer from multiple personality disorder. We’ve got all these voices in our head constantly fighting for dominance, demanding to be heard over the voices of their fellow delusional brothers and sisters. Delusional? Yes because they and the author can’t come to the realization these voices don’t really exist. They are figments of a highly over-active imagination and nothing else.
Just in case those voices happen to read this. The men in white coats made me say that. You totally exist, now give me back that memory from the summer of 1987. Pretty please? You know it’s the basis for my happy place.
Okay, back to the point of this blog. Is there a point to it? I’m really not sure but I’m going with yes.
In all my effort to self discover who I am, I stopped listening to the voices in my head to focus on hearing the normal me Me. By the time I remembered they were there, my ability to hear them had become dulled, if not erased totally. Yeah, it hurts me to admit that I have forgotten not only the faces but the voices of my children. As hard as that is to accept, I have to move on. Not sure what that means because the voices I came to love creating and watching grow until they were real to me on so many levels just don’t feel real to me anymore. I don’t see myself leaving them behind forever, but as I’ve said here many times before, writer’s block is the mind’s way of saying you’re walking down the wrong road.
And that’s where I’m at now. On the wrong road. Somehow I’ve gone down a path that isn’t truly me or the books I write. Or, maybe the books I’ve written aren’t me any more. I’ve grown just like my characters have. I’ll freely cop to going through a slight midlife crisis. Becoming a grandpaw has had scary implications. It has made me wonder if I’m O-L-D. Yeah, I spelled, but that doesn’t make it any less frightening. Heck, I’m only forty-six. That’s too young to be wrapped around a little guy’s finger. He calls me BoPaw by the way. Yeah, I got it bad. That bad has had me redefining my place in the cosmos. Maybe it would be more correct to say redefining my perception of my place in the cosmos. Since that could be a pretty much ongoing process, I’ll keep you updated on how that goes.
Right now, I’m going to address the author part of my cosmos. After spending the last two months slamming my head against the barriers between my worlds, I finally fell into a fetal position and just laid there. Funny thing, between the sound of my whimpering and the TV blaring in the background, I heard a voice. Well to be perfectly honest a Facebook status started the process rolling. Sabrina, thanks for the update by the way. Without you, I would never have popped in my Robert Johnson CDs and went down to the crossroads with a hellhound on my trail.
Because while my head was standing at that crossroads listening to Robert, a new voice started speaking to me. It gave me the beginning of a story that has been unrolling in my head for the last two days. Will it go anywhere? That remains to be seen. I hope it does, because I really love this new character. I won’t go into detail right now. I’m superstitious enough to be afraid I’ll jinx it if I do. Give me a little while to really get a feel for the darkness and light at play in Dora’s world. I will say this. It isn’t a Romance. Urban Fantasy might be closer to the truth, but I hate that label. It narrows your playing field as an author. I write what I write. I leave it to others to put it in their niches. I myself don’t define books. I just accept them as being my kind of book. Whether that is a good book is my choice and not yours, but hope others agree with me from time to time. That way my favorite authors keep putting out books. Selfish of me, but I do love reading. Not an excuse just justifying my actions.
Once upon a time I loved writing. Way before I worried about pantsting or plotting. Or, agonized over missed deadlines and endless edits. Or, got bogged down in the business side of writing, and judged my success by books sold instead of the quality of my writing. So, I guess what I’m saying is I am about to enjoy what I do not for the promise of material gain, but for the spiritual joy it brings me to share that joy with others through the words, or worlds depending on how you see things, inside my head.
If you’ve enjoyed the worlds that came forth from my warped sense of reality, thank you for reading my books. If you’ve only read my blog or this is the first time you’ve stopped by, I invite you to try one of my stories. Desert Breeze Publishing has a free read of mine available, so I’m not asking you to blindly go buy my books. Read my Love Bites ½ and judge for yourself if you want to continue the journey through my books. For now, I’m going to see what new worlds I can stumble into and hopefully one day share with you.
Til then, have a great week and happy reading! Oh and here’s the link to my free read. Enjoy!