Growing in Love.

I am a bit late with my blog this week but several factors went into my tardiness. The most important of which was my wife’s birthday just so happened to be on Sunday. So, just for fun I’m going to focus on that excuse today. In the process of being myself, weird as I am, I posted on her Facebook page that since she’d been a big part of my life for sixteen years, she was only sixteen in my eyes and as beautiful as ever. Yeah, I’m a bit of a suck up, but in this case it’s true. She is more beautiful today than she was the first time I saw her. Yeah, still a suck up but I’m not lying. There’s something about true love that makes you blind to age. I know I don’t feel 45 and she in no way looks 44 to me.

The whole idea got me to thinking about love. Being a Romance author, that’s a good thing. When you get right down to it, love is a rebirth of sorts. If love is indeed true, it isn’t just an emotion. It’s an act of completion on a cellular level. Until you stumble across ‘that’ one person who’s right for you, you’re incomplete. You exist as half a person going through life alone, trying to make sense of a world where you just can’t do everything yourself. You try, but you’re just not hardwired for ‘everything’. We’re all born with certain skillsets. Some lucky people discover the ability to do just about everything, but they still feel an emptiness success can’t seem to fill. Yet, when they meet that perfect person, everything just seems to fall into place.

From personal experience, I can tell you I know my limits. I can’t do everything by myself. But, those things I can’t do, or I’m just not wired to do, my wife can. You know like the basics, I can’t whistle but my wife can. I know this all sounds impersonal. Well, it isn’t. Until I met my wife, I might have thought I knew how the world worked, but I was totally clueless. I honestly don’t know how I made it as long as I did without her.

I felt empty without realizing it. This revelation wasn’t instantaneous. It took time for me to both grasp that she was indeed the one for me, and how much I needed her in my life. Guys generally are stupid about such things, so I think she’s forgiven me for not discovering something she already knew right away.

When I began writing, I decided I wanted to take this approach to writing Romance. Romance should never be just some random events stuffed between sex scenes. That’s not the heart of Romance, at least to my thinking. No, Romance is about truth. What truth? The truth that love is about two people discovering not only each other but themselves in the process of falling into it.

That might sound strange, but how can you love someone if you know who you are? I think it all comes back to an old cliché. How can you love someone, if you first don’t love yourself? Hey, I might not always like the person I am, but I think I love myself most of the time. I also know who I am, but it took me awhile to discover that secret. In fact it took my wife to teach me the lesson.

That’s another part of love. It’s a learning experience. You learn first off, that you are not the most important person in the universe. Sometimes you don’t even come in as a close second. From the moment you find someone, you subconsciously or consciously decide that making that person happy is more important than anything else you’ve ever done. You go out of your way to do special things that you normally wouldn’t do for anyone, even yourself. You see them cry, you want to wipe their sadness away. Seeing a smile on their face makes you happy.

You learn something else. You learn that you aren’t half the person you thought you were. In fact, you ‘were’ half a person until they came along. That’s a sobering thing to find out, because today we’re conditioned to look out for number one. We’re taught you can’t depend on anyone but yourself. Your happiness is what’s important. Well, let me tell you, in the real world of true love, that just ain’t true.

And when I write, it’s that part of love I want to write about. I want to show that love isn’t a one-way street. It’s about mutual appreciation of having someone in your life. That you love them as much as they love you. They’d do anything for you, just like you’d do for them. If you don’t have that in your life, you don’t have love.

Maybe, that’s the thing. In this fast paced world we live in, people just don’t know what love means anymore. I mean, look at TV. It’s full of celebrities with their marriages of the month. Reality shows about people trying to find love out of a police line-up. Music with descriptions of sex, dominance, and buying love, but rarely do we see or hear about how much we have to sacrifice to have love in our lives. Because sacrifice is what we have to do. We ‘have’ to sacrifice our preconceived ideas of who we want to be and become who we need to be.

That’s love. So maybe, I ramble a bit on the subject, but for sixteen years I’ve lived with the love of my life. It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s always been who I was born to be. An imperfect man in love with a woman who might not be perfect, but who is perfect for me. I hope that comes through in my books, because each one is a sample of the greatest love story I’ve ever known– my own.


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