Welcome to the second blog from Giggles from the Darkside. What have I got for you today? Something slightly insane. I’m sitting in a dank dark motel room on the outskirts of… Heck, I don’t even know where I am. Last thing I remembered was taking candy from this woman standing in front of a white van. Crap! I knew I should have listened to my parents. Kids pay attention. Don’t talk to strangers! Ever!
With my public service message out of the way, I guess it would be prudent to get to the heart of this blog. Quite frankly, I’m a little nervous, and would like to get out of this joint before I ended up putting lotion on its skin. The guy with the sharp teeth is motioning for me to get on with this. Since, he’s the one who’s got me pink fluffy handcuffed to this chair, I better listen to him.
Here with me, under duress–me, not him– is my guest Demetrious de Mecini, world leader and Vampire. Dressed superbly in a pink and purple floweredy shirt and khaki shorts, he is the epitome of the quiet cool only James Dean, or Buddy Hackett, could pull off. So, let’s give him the appropriate response someone of his personage deserves. You know, before I become a midnight snack in a cheap No Tell Motel in the outskirts of… Where am I again? Oh, it doesn’t matter.
Jmo: Demetrious, welcome to Giggles from the Darkside.
Demetrious: Please call me Deme. All my friends do.
Jmo: Uh, okay. Deme, I understand you wanted me to help you set certain facts straight.
Deme: That is correct. When we enlisted you to chronicle our unfolding history, I did not realize that you would do so in such a comedic way. Some of my family are not as amused as I’m sure your readers are.
Jmo: Hey, guy. You wanted humans to empathize with you. The only way that’s going to happen is if, I show you guys warts and all. You can’t ask someone to write about you, and not expect him to write the truth and whole truth. In fact, I believe I had that written into my contract.
Deme: You did, which is why our lawyers aren’t conducting this inquisition.
Jmo: Inquisition is such a harsh word. Couldn’t we say friendly chat.
Jmo: Then, inquisition it is! So, what would you like my readers to know?
Deme: First off, we are not buffoons for your entertainment.
Jmo: Dude, you kinda are. They wouldn’t be reading it, if they weren’t entertained.
Deme: I expected a dignified historical account. Not some sensualized expose of the purest tabloid kind. We are Vampires! Not some alien come to earth to anally probe New Age spouting celebrities.
Jmo: I understand that. If you look at the books, they don’t paint you buffoonish. You guys are the heroes. You’re fighting for all of us. I think that makes y’all pretty freaking awesome. The readers do to. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be going print. Not to mention the fact book seven will be coming out this year.
Deme: Print you say? I must have missed the email.
Jmo: Yeah, book three comes out later this month.
Deme: If I’m not mistaken that book is the one Dela and I act as the protagonists in.
Jmo: That’s right. You two rock the world, dude. Big time.
Deme: Then perhaps, we shall allow you to continue to chronicle our exploits. But, no more of this sensationalism for sensationalism’s sake. Record the facts as they are presented to you.
Jmo: You got it. If these handcuffs allowed me to, I’d cross my heart and everything.
Deme: That won’t be necessary. One other matter before I go, Donatello would appreciate it if you’d scale back the Star Wars references. He finds them disturbingly immature. Instead, he suggests you quote from the classics of cinema. Casablanca, The Ten Commandments, Joe Dirt.
Jmo: I’ll see what I can do.
Deme: See, that you attempt to do so. You would not like Donatello to come visit you for a conversation on the matter. On that note, I must be off. Things to do. Disney Land to see.
Jmo: Hey, what about me? I’m still handcuffed.
Deme: Oh, I nearly forgot. Think of this as your Christmas Carol. Someone else wishes to speak with you. She should be along shortly. Oh another thing that has slipped my mind. Do you happen to have the address for one Gail Delaney? Dela asked me to get her autograph. She is a huge Phoenix fan.
Jmo: Uh, I don’t think so.
Deme: Too bad.
Not believing this one bit, I sat there and watched him leave. Characters were so temperamental. I wondered what he meant by someone else wanted to talk to me. Not counting my wife, I couldn’t imagine who I’d peeved off enough to lock me in a cheap motel room.
Well, while I try to figure it out, feel free to check out all the Love Bites books now on the new and improved Desert Breeze Publishing website!
To be continued!
Will Jmo discover the identity of his next vistor?
Will he free himself from bondage?
Will he discovers he likes bondage?
as next week,
we’ll find out the answers to those questions and some we haven’t thought of yet.