Writers don’t under normal circumstances like to talk about themselves. That’s why we write. We can show you who we are indirectly, without the messiness of a ‘What I did last summer’ report in front of the class. Sure, I know you’re thinking, authors talk about themselves all the time. ‘Heck, I’m sitting here reading your blog, and I definitely get the feeling you’ve spent the last four weeks talking about yourself.’ Yep, you got me. But, am I talking about myself, or about the books? Perhaps the answer is a little of both. That begs the question, who is J. Morgan? Really?
As the J. Morgan in question, I’d have to say even I don’t know who I am. The man I am at this moment isn’t the man from ten years ago. Last week even. I’m pretty sure the man a year from now wouldn’t recognize the guy sitting here typing. So what’s the point of this metaphysical discourse?
Glad you asked. The answer relates to the main subject of this blog. If you want to know who J. Morgan is, the answer is in my books. How can I, or anyone, write without instilling the essence of who they are in their work?
Okay, if that’s true then who am I? I write about Vampires, werewolves and zombies. That tells you I’m a fan of the spooky. My books are peppered with all things geek. So, I must be a geek who loves comics, Star Wars, and a list of things that would make a mini ComicCon in my spare bedroom. And, yes, that last bit is true. I write Romance, so I must be an incurable romantic at heart. Got me! I love a happy ending. Just from a cursory look at my books you have some of me. I also write comedies. That either means I’m a funny guy, or I spent two much time in front of SitComs during my formative years. Either way, I think you’d be right.
But, that’s just the surface. Who am I underneath the Star Wars tee shirt?
If we go back to the beginning, I am someone’s son. I was raised in a house where family came first. Even when we didn’t have much, I never once thought that I wasn’t loved. That love is the basis of what I am able to convey through my books.
What else? I am a husband. I must have some grasp of what love means, otherwise my wife would have shook her head and walked out of this castle of geekiness a very long time ago. I’ve said this before, but when you read one of my books, I can only base what you see on what I know — the love between Jenn and me.
The thing that fills me with the most love is that I’m a father. Being someone’s parent is a reversal of being someone’s child. Being a child shows you what unconditional love is all about. Because, quite frankly, if you thought about how big of a brat you were growing up, just the teenage years alone, you’d have to wonder to yourself how come you weren’t left in a deserted field somewhere. Being a parent takes that unconditional love to a whole new level. You might have been shown it, but the first sight of your child fills every fiber of your being with a love so strong that it keeps you up at night. It fills you with confidence. It feels you with doubt. It terrifies you. It gives you strength. It makes you better than you would be left to your own devices. You would die to protect the life, who has become the absolute center of your universe. Romantic love is great. All consuming at times, but it is nothing compared to the love you feel for your child.
So, J. Morgan is a geek with a full understanding of love? Oh, heck no! If you say you understand love, you’re deluding yourself. I can grasp the fundamentals of it, but not the totality of it. Who of us hasn’t wanted to stop the gnawing in our guts when love has us twisting on its yo-yo string? You can’t understand love. You can only bend to its will and pray it leaves you with enough sanity to nod at the appropriate times. Or, you can be like me and write books as therapy.
If my books are therapy, how can they show who I am? You know change the names to protect the innocent and all that. Well, again the answer is simple. I am an evolutionary being in flux reconciling who I was and who I am with the who I want to be. Huh? Don’t even try. I wrote it and I’m still scratching my head. But, I think that’s the same with all of us. When I write you see that bright eyed kid who saw the world an unfolding kingdom just within his fingertips. You see the man who accepted the fact the world might be too much, but what he got is pretty freaking awesome. You see the man who isn’t completely there yet, but uses his regrets about what he could have done and turns them into what he can still do. So, in the words of a truly great 80’s metal band…
You know I’m a dreamer
But my heart’s of gold
I had to run away high
So, I wouldn’t come home low
Just when things went right
Doesn’t mean they’re always wrong
Just take this song and you’ll never feel
Left all alone
Take me to your heart
Feel me in your bones
Just one more night
And I’m comin’ off this
Long and winding road
I’m on my way, I’m on my way
Home sweet home, tonight tonight
I’m on my way, I’m on my way
Home sweet home
You know that I’ve seen
Too many romantic dreams
Up in lights, fallin’ off
The silver screen
My heart’s like an open book
For the whole world to read
Sometime, nothing keeps me together
At the seams
Thanks, Motley Crue
for saying it all with a great back beat.